Dear Pastor,
What do you do when your friends, parishioners you love and respect, people who support you in every other way, don’t show up to Bible studies, worship services and ministry events that you have planned? I’m not talking about people who are on the fence, running from God or openly antagonistic towards you, God or His church. I am talking about those who serve on the board, go to lunch with you, love your family, pray for you, help in every way possible, but then make it clear by their actions that they don’t have time or interest in the Bible study you prepared?
I want to give you a few things to think about and take action on which can help you when you inevitably face this circumstance…
- First of all, it is very easy to slip into thinking that people’s behavior regarding church is about you as the pastor. It makes sense, much of the life and ministry of the church in some way, shape or form is connected to the pastor. BUT, please recognize that not every decision people make about church is about you. It might be but it is also very possible that they have so many other factors they are considering. Don’t immediately assume that it is about you. Be humble enough to consider that as the pastor they need your prayers, the messages God gives you and the love of God flowing through you, not your insecurity. (Ouch, preaching to myself here!)
- Second, making assumptions about people’s motives or intended outcomes is a very dangerous thing to do. Assuming things, guessing, second-guessing, stewing, etc won’t help you to build a stronger relationship with them, prepare you to minister to them or help them to overcome whatever it is they are working through. Instead of making guesses, make it your commitment to give it to the Lord and then reach out to your friends and with gentleness and courage, expressing your genuine concern for them and how you’ve missed them, ask them why.
- Third, even in the absence of some people aspire to learn the significance of ministering to those who are present with the same amount of passion as if it was a full house. Certainly be prayerful and introspective about what you are preparing and teaching; make sure it is what God has revealed to you and that you are prepared and operating by the unction/anointing of His Holy Spirit. Be excited and be prepared. Make sure that your lack of preparation or poor presentation (don’t be boring!) is not contributing to people’s absence. Be certain you are teaching what God has given you in the way He wants you to, without allowing outside factors to discourage you or change your message or the manner in which you present it.
I am so sorry that you have had to face the pain of people not showing up to the Bible studies, messages and ministries you have diligently prepared. It hurts and can feel like personal rejection. Sadly sometimes it is meant to sting and people are trying to spurn you. Much more often however people are so consumed with so many other things that they just overlook and miss out on what God has prepared for them (forgetting too that it might impact other people, even their own pastor).
Please keep inviting people, keep loving people, keep being as passionate and excited about God’s word when preaching to 5 people as if you were preaching to 500 or more. Make sure to reach out to people and let them know you genuinely miss them and that the entire church fellowship is different without their presence. But above all, remember to do all that you do for the glory of God and not the approval of humanity. God can use you as you are fully surrendered and obedient, just don’t get stuck because your people are.
Christ is with us, Christ is in us!
Mike J
Pastor Encouragement 